First of all, the packaging is first-rate. I don't know if that's a genuine painting from the era, but it looks great. This is definitely a cut above some of the other indie reissues I've been seeing, like the ones from Brentwood Home Video... yuck! It's obvious the restorers at Cinemanational are working on a shoestring, but that they have a genuine respect for Ivory Bastards and its place in b-movie cultural history. If Psychotonic were still around I'd love to see an interview with them.
Trailers
This is the trailer that is included on the DVD from Guido K. Schultz's attempt to syndicate the series in the U.S. Youtube doesn't do it justice. You need to see it on the DVD in all its scratchy, grainy beauty.
One of the great extras on this release are the trailers. There is one that Cinemanational put out to advertise the re-release, but I don't think very highly of it, and it's not really worth discussing. (I think their editor is a big anime fan, because I saw a trailer for Neon Genesis Vangelon once that looks a lot like theirs with all the quick cuts and words and such). The real treat here is the original 1973 promo for Guido K. Schultz's syndication proposal. It's not only here in its 60 second glory, BUT it also includes the slates! This is a real find, who knows where they dug this one up. They also posted it up on youtube, but it looks terrible there. If only there were a youtube of 16mm film, but I guess that's not really practicable as it would mean getting a giant warehouse and a projector and a librarian... but I digress.
Slate from the 1973 trailer with information for TV stations who chose to broadcast Ivory Bastards (click to enlarge)
Typical Schultz hyperbole (click to enlarge)
"Banned" claim (click to enlarge)
The slate seems to indicate that this promo/trailer was indeed meant for broadcast, as it includes information about distribution, running time, 'station tag' (which is where a TV station would add their own logo and time slide at the end of the promo), etc. It is doubtful any station in the U.S. would have broadcast this as no station ever bought syndication rights from Schultz despite his cross-country sales calls.
The promo is pretty much standard Schultz hype, which is unsurprising. He tried to market Ivory Bastards as a mainstream action & fighting series in the vein of Bonanza or even Batman, when Ivory Bastards probably had more in common with the British classic The Prisoner than either of those shows. The "Action! Suspense! Drama!" are highlighted and the weirdness is not. This is fairly typical of Guido K. Schultz. His Uruguayan import Undead Cop Attacks! was shorn of the political content and replaced with gratuitous gore closeups and strippers. Lots and lots of strippers.
The "Banned in over 3 countries" title may seem like a joke, but believe me, it's not. Schultz was well known for inflating the controversial nature of any of his releases to cultivate some mystique. Often his claims of "the film that outraged millions," or "suppressed by communists" or even "smuggled through the iron curtain with fatal results" were wholly untrue. The asterisk was probably an attempt to regain some long-lost credibility. In this case, "banned" probably just meant "not bought by anyone".
Overall, this is a stellar find. No information exists on the Cinemanational website about how they found it or whether there is more such material out there. They are also not returning my emails. They're probably trying to drum up some Guido K. Schultz-like mystique around what materials they actually have amassed and are trying to blackmail fans into buying lots of DVDs in the hopes that "maybe someday" they'll release the 10-minute short "Ivory Bastards History of the Future, 1973-2006 AD" or even the unfinished Ivory Bastards feature film. Hans Lucas is a jerk that way. Less well-mannered fans have labeled him "world's biggest douchebag," and worse. I actually met him in 2004 at the sci-fi con here in Philly. He seemed nice enough, although he did try to convince me to vote for Bush(!) I couldn't tell whether he was kidding or not.
Opening Sequence
Whoa. This thing goes by fairly quick so I thought it might be worth pulling some caps and trying to analyze what's actually going on. It looks like some of the events described in the "Ivory Bastards History of the Future, 1973-2006 AD" newspaper insert are depicted here, but some of it just looks like Victor Luis Chavez is taking the piss. He did have a rather strange sense of humor.
This frame seems to indicate some kind of space achievement, but who knows. The U.S. space program was kind of floundering at the time, so perhaps this is depicting Mexico's entry into the space race? That would appeal to some viewers' nationalistic pride, but the picture quality is not sufficient to glean what flag is on the astronaut's sleeve. Trust me, I tried. (click on the image for full-res)
The nuclear war between the U.S. and U.S.S.R. figures into the Ivory Bastards storyline heavily, though in episode F01 it is not mentioned. According the the IBHOTF newspaper insert, President Nixon launches a surprise attack on Moscow in order to insure his re-election. (click on the image for full-res)
Some author in the early seventies theorized that the world would run out of oil by 1975. The "Peak Oil" concept was popular among artists and weirdoes in Mexico and Chavez was no exception. (click on the image for full-res)
This is a really funny one because Chavez correctly predicted Ronald Reagan's election as U.S. president, he just got the year wrong! Presumably this is Reagan at his inauguration. However this is something else he got wrong, as if Reagan were elected in 1976, he wouldn't be inaugurated until January 1977! (click on the image for full-res)
This is an image of a space station the animator probably stole from a sci-fi book. This would probably be lawsuit bait today, but fortunately for him or her, the statute of limitations has probably run out. Ha! (click on the image for full-res)
According (again) to the IBHOTF newspaper insert, 1978 was (would be) the year the infra-web was founded, delivering information and entertainment to people's homes via invisible laser (sound familiar?) (click on the image for full-res)
Another sci-fi image, lifted by the artist. 1979 is depicted as a "quiet year". (click on the image for full-res)
HA! Here's another funny one: President Elvis, elected in 1980. Not as far-fetched back then as it would seem today. This was at the time Elvis was running around with Federal agents and getting his picture taken with Nixon. Little did Chavez know Elvis would be slumped over his toilet in 4 short years. It also begs the question of whether Ferris Fremont is indeed the 'first rock star president.' (click on the image for full-res)
Some kind of alien invasion perhaps? Or maybe a fleet of futuristic aircraft... You be the judge. (click on the image for full-res)
Chavez predicted the student radicalism and unrest of the sixties and early seventies would intensify into the next decade, but how wrong he was! Students of 1982 were more likely to be aspiring yuppies in pastel sweaters than bomb-throwing anarchists. (click on the image for full-res)
The early staged of a theorized war between the U.S. and Cuba are depicted here. Leading up to... (click on the image for full-res)
...yes, a nuclear strike on Havana! We're really luck things didn't turn out this way after all. (click on the image for full-res)
The political unification of the North American continent is depicted as a decade-long process, but it takes up about 3 seconds of screen time. Canada, Mexico, and it looks like Greenland join up with the U.S. of the A's, not to mention Cuba, Honduras, Panama, and a few others. (click on the image for full-res)
The first human-robot wedding. I predict this will be legal before same-sex marriage. Damn evangelists. (click on the image for full-res)
A Univac computer addresses the United Nations. I'm not sure whether this is supposed to be funny or not. (click on the image for full-res)
I think this is supposed to be the demolition of the Berlin Wall. I don't recognize anything familiar in the photo,but it's unlikely to be the banal industrial scene it seems given the depth of the predictions depicted in the rest of the animation. Email me if you disagree. (click on the image for full-res)
It looks like this is a doctor inserting some kind of circuit board into a human. If so this predates The Six Million Dollar Man by about a year. (click on the image for full-res)
1996 would have been the year the final generation of Ivory Bastards became 'active,' having reached maturity. I know it was a good year for me. (click on the image for full-res)
In the early seventies there was a lot of speculation about 'space planes' carrying people long distances in short periods of time. I think this is meant to be one, or some kind of airship, but there's nothing in the IBHOTF newspaper insert about it. (click on the image for full-res)
Chavez was known to be a huge fan of David Bowie and here it seems Bowie is being rewarded with a depiction as Prime Minister of Great Britain. He probably would have done a better job than the one they actually got. (click on the image for full-res)
Your guess is as good as mine here. It looks a lot like the "Science City" in Valencia, Spain, but that wasn't constructed until 1999, so how could they have known? A little spooky if you ask me. Email me if you know different. (click on the image for full-res)
El Despiadado, the world's most famous secret agent, is appointed International World Groper (probably a bad translation). (click on the image for full-res)
Artificial life forms are given limited constitutional rights in 2001. (click on the image for full-res)
Victor Luis Chavez was a devoted fan of sci-fi author John Brunner, and this is most likely a reference to his most prescient novel The Sheep Look Up, in which the air in most cities has become so polluted, people have to walk around in gas masks. (click on the image for full-res)
Ferris F. Fremont is elected president of the U.S. of the A's in 2003. The name chosen for this character was Chavez's nod to Philip K. Dick's novel Radio Free Albemuth. (click on the image for full-res)
Hard drugs are legalized briefly in 2004. They are quickly re-banned after President Fremont's campaign contributors complain. (click on the image for full-res)
The president is re-elected to another three-day term in 2005. (click on the image for full-res)
Oops! As this print dates to Guido K. Schultz' attempted syndication of the series, some of Schultz's half-assed revisions are here, and his tired old ploys start to split at the seems. A spit-second of Jimmy Waxhaw's Mexican Pseudonym 'Rardo Marcus' can be seen before Schultz's superimposed title. The funny thing about this is that a lot of the Spanish in the open is left intact. A typical sloppy attempt to capitalize on Waxhaw's modicum of fame left over from his b-movie days of the 1960's. I'm not sure whether some of the subtitles that appear later in the show were added by Schultz, or by Cinemanational. My impression is the later. It seem that if there was a way to 'monetize' information (like a 'name' actor), Schultz would translate, but otherwise, he probably wouldn't bother. Narrative clarity seems unimportant to him. (click on the image for full-res)
Case in point are the rest of the credits. Hermano Quintas wasn't exactly a household name in the states, so he didn't bother. Schultz didn't even bother replacing the Spanish 'como' with 'as.' (click on the image for full-res)
Dr Head nearly busts a lung in the opening credits. (click on the image for full-res)
El Cojo Mente 'as himself.' The only 'real' wrester to star in Ivory Bastards. (click on the image for full-res)
A scene from episode F01 that Cinemanational posted on youtube for marketing purposes. This gives you some idea of the picture and sound quality, but you really need to see the DVD.
The Show
While the picture and sound quality are not exactly up to Criterion Collection standards, overall, it is a valiant attempt to restore what was once a lost artifact. I'd like to see what they could do with something like Campeones Justicieros, a lucha film that is widely available, yet only in a lousy, un-subitled print (damn those Bci-Eclipse scumbags). There are a few weird things about this release though. It's hard to tell what was added by the restorers and what was chopped out. Guido K. Schultz is likely to have made a few cuts for the American market so who knows what treasures are out there waiting to be discovered.
Note the car in the background of this shot. The best I can tell this is a late-nineties model, probably a Chevy. I don't understand how this could be there in something shot in 1972. Perhaps it's a little joke left in with CGI by the restorer. (click on the image for full-res)
That cynical money-humper Schultz didn't even bother translating the scene setting title! I suppose it would have been costly to locate the original footage without the optical printing, but still! The text reads: "The following takes place in the FUTURE. The year is 2006 A.D." (click on the image for full-res)
By all accounts the opening scene was supposed to end up on the cutting room floor. Whether Chavez restored it to this print, or Schultz, or Cinemanational, who knows, but here it is, shot in the legendary Metropolis Club in Mexico City. (click on the image for full-res)
Local artist and friend of Victor Luis Chavez, K.L. Borges appears as the President. Chavez felt the casting of a drug addict in the role was a hilarious bit of irony. Whatever. (click on the image for full-res)
The original "bumpers" are here. This is the animation that leads into and out of the commercial break. The "bump-in" looks like it's been chopped off. Maybe Schultz wanted to add more commercials and couldn't be bothered with such trivialities. (click on the image for full-res)
It looks like something has been censored from the infamous 'elephant scene.' This is the flash frame that precedes the awkward cut. Judging from the crudeness of the editing job, it must be a Guido K. Schultz original. (click on the image for full-res)
...but of course typically he doesn't screw around with his own screen credit. IT of course is pristine. (click on the image for full-res)
The great thing about this version is that the "next week" coming attractions are included in their entirety. Not unlike Arrested Development would do years later, Chavez liked to fill the coming attraction trailer with scenes that would not actually appear in the next episode "just to keep them guessing." (click on the image for full-res)
Dr Head eagerly awaits death. This scene is by all accounts not present in episode F02. (click on the image for full-res)
Similarly, El Despiadado does not wake from the dead, at least not the way it's depicted here. The shot does convey some of the plot, without really showing it the way it appears in the next episode. It's a strange thing Chavez does. Probably not likely to ever be done again in commercial television. (click on the image for full-res)
The TV studio scene as well is not ever followed up on in episode F02. It was probably meant more as a coda to episode F01 than a preview of episode F02. Another possibility is that the was the episodes were produced so quickly they couldn't wait to shoot next week's episodes in time so they just shot some material that eluded to events in the next. (click on the image for full-res)
Conclusion
If you're at all interested in the Ivory Bastards or lucha libre movies, or weird low-budget sci-fi, you must, must MUST buy this DVD. It is a work of cultural import, and one that deserves your support. I have my gripes about this resoration, namely that they basically included everything they had, without any real thought to what Victor Luis Chavez would have wanted, but overall it's a miracle that this is available in any form at all. Perhaps Cinemanational will listen to fans like me next time around, and episode F02 will get the release it so richly deserves, maybe even afford to clean up the picture and sound a little bit more. I can't tell if this is an idle threat or not (or just smart marketing), but the Cinemanational website says they won't restore any more Ivory Bastards unless they can sell enough to at least break even. I doubt anyone else would pick up the mantle and buy the rights to it if Cinemanational refuses to continue restoration (and judging from their track record, Cinemanational aren't exactly MENSA material either), so for my sake, for your sake, and for the sake of future b-movie lovers everywhere, BUY BUY BUY THIS DVD!!!!!!
